It is with a very heavy heart

that I write this blog. It has been a rough and long week for me. I have written a bit in the past about having the honor of caring for my ill mother. While packing to get ready to go on the Cape Cod vacation that we took each October with her and my sister, I got the call that forever changed my life. Something had gone wrong over night and she was not doing well. I rushed down to her house, after about 10 minutes with her I knew she would need help. I phoned her Dr. and took her to the ER. She was admitted and by Sunday night she had slipped into a coma. All the tests that were done revealed nothing. I am the last of 6 children, but she chose me to be her voice when she could not. By 5am Monday morning, I had to choose whether or not to put her on life support, as she was failing fast. Still, I did not know what we were battling. How could I follow her wishes if I didn't know what was going on? I weighed all the options, and made the choice NOT to. I felt it would just prolong the inevitable as all the signs pointed to non - reversal of whatever was going on. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, signing the DNR paperwork. I sobbed uncontrollably for awhile. Her Oncologist came that afternoon, and we got all the answers we needed. What we had been suspecting was a tumor in her chest was indeed just that, regrowth of her lung cancer that had been in remission for 3 years. The tumor was growing rapidly, and it was blocking her airway. So I made the right choice after all. Now all we could do was make her comfortable. We were all there - her 6 children, younger brother and husband. Some of the 18 grandchildren were in and out as well. We kept a bedside vigil, sleeping where we could, but mostly sitting with her and making sure she was comfortable and NEVER alone. She did wake up and become responsive on Tuesday morning. And we were all able to talk to her and share our love. She was able to nod and smile and she even reached up and held my husband for a bit. That both helped and made it harder. She passed at 1pm last Tuesday, and I held her hand the whole time. I did not want to let her go. The pain of losing her is just too intense. I know that she is no longer suffering, and in a much better place, but I don't know how to live without her. We did all go to the Cape anyway, as we had 3 houses paid for on the beach. This time though all 6 kids and their families went to grieve privately. It was so hard for me at first. I just needed and wanted to be alone. So I spent much of the time by myself, trying to hold it together. Then on Friday we had a little celebration on the beach in her favorite spot, all the grandkids drew hearts in the sand and we just honored and remembered my mom. And my healing began. We came home on Saturday and had her services on Sunday. I am now just trying to cope and get back into the swing. I may not write as often for awhile, it is all just too much right now. I will get back to our daily entries, so please stay tuned.....
Suzanne

Beautiful Morning.....

Wow. The sky is so bright and blue! I love beautiful mornings like this. It brightens and lifts the soul :). Hard to feel irritated about anything when there is so much beauty around! I guess it doesn't hurt that I am still loving our new banner and logo! It just makes me smile every time I log on to the shop or the blog! I am just so pleased with it. We have been making great progress reorganizing the house. The girls were amazingly receptive yesterday when we moved to their toy room. So far there are 2 and 1/2 garbage bags of give away!!! YEAH!!! I am so proud of them. We have had a lot of discussions about how there are alot of families that don't have much, and that those kids would love to have some of the toys that they never play with. Now, they are both eager to help and pass on things. Plus, I have explained that having less things around will make their chore of keeping their toy room clean a whole lot easier :). And I told them they are not the only ones. That dad and I will be cleaning out our closets and passing things that we don't use or need too. I am sick of feeling like all I do is clean the house. It is a constant, never ending battle with all the clutter around. I have been patient up until now, but no more!!! I am not even sure what I would do with free time anymore! It has been so long since I had any, always feeling like I should be doing this or cleaning up that.

Well, of to start school and then the continuation of Operation De-Clutter. Wish me luck :)
Happy and Warm Tuesday to all!!!
Suzanne
SewSuzanne@gmail.com

TADA Monday!!! Introducing....

Our new layout!!! Isn't it great?! Erin at http://www.swiekysiggies.etsy.com is an amazing graphic artist that I found after deciding I wanted to use our family tartan instead of a generic one. She is so very talented and patient during what has to be a difficult process for her to create. The only way to communicate is through email, and it is so hard to convey your thoughts and wants through written words sometimes! So after many back and forths, we arrived at a perfect result! When I first contacted her, I knew what I wanted but couldn't find it. Then as I was cleaning the back porch one afternoon it hit me! I wanted the logo to have a medieval and authentic feel, and I wasn't finding it because it wasn't out there yet! I wanted a family crest for our shop. Something that is unique to us, and could become our signature, something only we have. So Erin and I set about creating one! I sent her images of both my ancestor's crest (McPherson) and Charlie's family (Tuthill) to give her an idea of layout. We then set about adding the main elements of sewing and Highland Dance - the 2 things that take up MOST of our time :). After a few days of back and forth our new and very own crest was born!!! How cool is that?! She then set about creating the banner using our (Charlie's) family tartan as the backdrop, and making all the corresponding buttons needed too. And last she redid this beautiful blog for us!! I am so happy with the result! It has all the elements I wanted, feels very authentic and medieval. Erin is VERY talented and so easy to work with. She listens and tries to replicate your thoughts and needs, and is there with helpful advice too. I would recommend her to anyone needing a graphic artist. I will surely go back to her again and again in the future!
So here it is. As promised! Our TADA moment. I am thrilled to have a One of A Kind design that I know no one else will have, or be able to have! :) It is ours, all ours, as Erin had assured me she will not resell it. It is perfect!
Today is going to be fun. First it is off to the Library and then back home to finish our school work and then continue the reorganization of the house. It is a slow process, but at least it happening!!! And I had a long talk with the girls about sorting through all there stuff and making it more organized and donating things that they just don't need or use. They are on board - I think ;).
Make today a great day!!!
Suzanne
SewSuzanne@gmail.com
Let us know what you think of our new logo and layout! We'd LOVE to hear your thoughts!!!